Bob's Brood

Keeping up with Bob's brood

WIth just a little bit of luck, this will be the last time I blog from Tegucigalpa, Honduras. Today is my 37th day in this country, and on Friday - 3 sleeps from now - I believe my new family of 5 will board a plane and head for our beloved homeland.

At least 4 of us will. To the 5th and newest member of our family, he will be saying goodbye to everything he has ever known. I would give a healthy sum of money to read his mind. Sadly, youth and a language barrier leave much of that as a giant mystery as to what he thinks about everything that has happened to him in the last 5 weeks or maybe 5 years.

Yesterday, we threw him a birthday party. Trouble was, his birthday, according to all records is actually on June 6. However, for the last month, it has become clear that he thinks he is 4 years old. But, the paper work verifies he is actually 5 years old. This led us to a couple of destinations.

1) - That now we have a greater appreciation for people from this part of the world who have some uncertainty as to their age or birthday. Personally, when there is a ball player scandal regarding a player's age, I had always assumed it was some devious plot to mislead franchises or leagues to secure larger sums of money. In some cases, I suppose that is true. But, a large amount of the time, there is just no way to truly know how old a person is. Especially an orphan. But, not only orphans. My wife's father didn't know his true birthday either. He had a large family and they didn't use hospitals for births. When it was time to turn in his records at city hall or wherever a few years later, the belief now is that the mother confused two of her sons birth-dates. Anyway, something that I had never imagined was a scenario where our boy would be older than he thinks he is. Possibly because nobody told him it was his birthday back in June when he was waiting for us to come get h

2) - That we have to catch him up! There is never a time where a child shouldn't celebrate their birthday. Even if it is 4 months later, we thought we could catch him up before we go home to the USA and then celebrate his birthday next year on time and he won't think anything odd of the proceedings.

So, we went to Pizza Hut (yep), bought him a bunch of gifts, found a cake at a bakery, and had a party. He seemed quite delighted and now he recognizes his age as "cinco".

Anyway, we fly on Friday assuming the US Embassy doesn't jam us up on Thursday. It might be risky to assume that it will all go smoothly, but I think 40 days is so symmetrical that it just has to happen.

This trip has been simply amazing in so many ways. It has been so long and so involved that I almost can't remember the start of it all. If there is one thing to be learned it is that the international adoption is way more complex than it needs to be. I understand red tape, but it should not take 34 months to match a willing family and a needy child. It may not be a priority for the government these days, but with millions of orphans and many families blessed with so much, if only this process were made easier, how many children could have a chance in life?

I know this anecdote has been used by many causes, but I remember the first time i heard it and in my mind equated it to helping just 1 human have a better life:

A small boy and his grandfather were walking on the beach and thousands of starfish had been tossed onto the sand by the waves and, as the sun began to beat down on them, they were about to meet the end of their existence. The grandfather picked up individual starfish and threw them into the ocean to save them.

His grandson, seeing huge numbers of starfish before them said: "Grandpa, there are thousands of them! Why are you bothering to throw any back in the ocean? We can't possible make a difference.

Grandpa smiled, picked up one starfish, waved it in front of his grandson's nose and threw it into the ocean saying: "It made a difference to that one".

Anyway, I believe our work here is done. Now life really begins back in Texas. And my work continues at the radio station. I believe Monday at noon. I really owe a debt of gratitude to all management, staff, and listeners of the Ticket. Thanks for putting up with this absence. Can't wait to get back to the job. See you then.

Day 30.

Dang. This is getting ridiculous now.

On Friday, we handed in our completed dossier to the US Embassy here in Tegucigalpa. Their job is to complete a full investigation into our adoption to make sure we are not engaged in any manner of child trafficking. I guess it is a big issue in this part of the world, and kiddos are bought and sold all of the time. So, the fact that the US Government wants to make sure it doesn't happen in our country is a great initiative.

The downside is that we cannot get the little guy home until it is done. The brochure indicates that a full investigation can take anywhere from 1 week to 1 month. However, it is the experience of many others that the investigation actually takes just 2 or 3 days if all of your details are in order. And we have gone to great lengths to insure that ours are in fact in great order.

So, this would be business day #2 since we turned everything in and we stare at the phone. Waiting for a ring.

Waiting. That is the real theme of the entire adoption process. I hope someone is inspired by our experience, but I also don't want to mislead anyone who might find it in their hearts to adopt. It builds character like nothing I have ever experienced. I like certainty in my life and there is nothing but uncertainty when you are adopting.

This morning I was looking through some notes and found that 216 days ago we were matched with Justin and had a meeting at Buckner in Dallas to hear all about him. 216 days ago since we knew who our son would be. And yet we still have not spent 1 day in our own house as a family. We are close, and yet we still wait.

Dan tells me all of the time that "A watched pot never boils". I know he didn't come up with it, but he says it enough that I credit him with its origin in my mind. And yet, I check my phone about 24 times an hour.

On Saturday, I have plane tickets to come home that were bought 6 weeks ago. If I have to change the tickets, it will be $250 per ticket for 5 of us (Thanks, United Airlines and Continental!). So, obviously, somewhere in my cheapskate psyche is a hope that I can save $1250, but that is 100% dependent on whether or not the phone rings either today or maybe tomorrow at the latest. If it does, we might make our flight and I could be on the air on Monday. If not, well, who knows anymore?

If you can't tell, I am hoping the phone rings from the Embassy.

And, I am learning exceptional patience.

Waiting.

Well, our 3 segmented journey is about to enter the final phase.

Phase #1 - Go to Tegucigalpa and deal with all of the adoption items that needed to be handled. It took about 12 days and was basically house arrest in a hotel room with a 3-hour break each day for fast food lunch. August 29-September 9

Phase #2 - Go to Roatan and wait for processing of his new birth certificate. This is paradise and has included some wildly awesome experiences including snorkeling in one of the most amazing places ever. It also has given us a chance to see a part of the planet that it more beautiful than it gets credit for. It is basically the water in the Corona commercials. We have been in the ocean and had a chance to swim with dolphins. We have seen monkeys and lizards and parrots and every other exotic animal one would find at the Rainforest Cafe's gift shop area. This is the real deal. About 12 days. Sept 9 - Sept 21

Phase #3 - Go back to Tegucigalpa and within a few days go to the US Embassy and get his passport and Visa. This final Phase also is likely 10-14 days. Back to fast food and house arrest. And that when that is done we get to go home. Sept 21 - ???

As I reflect upon Phase #2 with our new Sturm (Justin), I am reminded of a few of life's truths.

The first one is from Mom when she would deal with our boredom during summer vacation. As an adult, I had forgotten about boredom, but when forced to serve 40 days in a foreign land, it reemerges. Anyway, Mom used to tell us that if we would occupy our mind with something, time would go faster. "Find something to do" was the actual cliche our parents ran into the ground. Well, we have found plenty to do. Maybe too much. And have tried to occupy our minds with adventures that would not normally be an option. It is tough to act like Phase #2 has been rough. It has been amazing. And putting on Justin on his first airplane and in his first body of water that was bigger than his bathtub was pretty cool.

Another of life's truths also abounds. It is the fact that no matter where you go in life, within about 7-10 days, you are ready to go home. Sleep in your own bed. Sit in your own chair. Watch your own TV. Drive your own car. Trust me. Find your paradise or your dream vacation. 3 weeks in, you will be ready to get back.

Day 23 is now the part of the trip where we just want to go home. My kids want to go to school again. It makes me crazy to be away from my job this long. And let's face it, in the close confines, even with those you love dearly, requires the occasional break, right?

I guess what I am saying as I leave paradise is that I don't mind. Because it represents a step closer to the finish line. That is very big and if we can survive a few more weeks, we can get back to the life we loved so much.

This is our journey and I am proud to be a part of it. But, I continue to wonder aloud why governments cannot simplify the process of adoption. It shouldn't cost this much money to help a child. It also shouldn't require 4-6 weeks in a foreign land. How many people have jobs that would allow that?

If there are willing families and desperate cases where children need families, wouldn't a worthy global initiative be to make this process much more easy and simple? I am not saying deliver our child by FedEx on our doorstep, but how about half as much money and 10 days in the country instead of 40?

Anyway, our road continues. We have been healthy, relatively happy, and despite plenty of speed-bumps, we already resemble a family. Everything is different than it used to be, and it will never change all the way back. All 3 of our children are uneasy with the changes, but it is so early in the game that this should be expected.

The fact is, Justin has lived 1,911 days without us, and now 22 days with us. He knows almost no English and has had his world changed 100%. But, it will shift even more when he is introduced to Texas, bunk beds, school, and high definition tv. At some point, he will wonder about his Dad's job that allows him to watch sports for a living, too. There is plenty of time for all of this.

For now, we continue to put in our time and have the craziest trip we will ever take. Tomorrow, we board another puddle-jumper back to Tegucigalpa and bravely take on Phase 3.

Make no mistake, we want to go home. We will get there.

Click Here for my latest visit with the boys from last Friday

9/12/11 - Morning 15 in Honduras

It is Monday morning and we believe that today we have officially signed all of the papers and will be a family for real.

Our boy has been in our custody for 2 weeks and finally, he will legally (in Honduras) be our son.

That is a very cool thing to know for us, and a bit of wind in our sails as we proceed further down the road. The fact that this signing is at least a week behind schedule is annoying, but since there are no time machines in life, we cannot get the week back. So, on with it, we go.

This weekend, we visited Roatan, which is this island paradise off the north coast of the mainland. Wow. It is Honduras, but it is not Honduras. The differences are quite distinct. English is big there, as are US Dollars. The type of person living there is different, too, and you sort of feel like you have found Jamaica or some other Caribbean island. It is gorgeous.

We were able to do some significant snorkeling there, too, off the beach at our hotel. This is one of my very favorite things to do, and our older 2 kids were able to jump right in and share in the fun. The fish were amazing and colorful and it certainly broke up the monotony of our journey.

On Sunday, we traveled back to Tegucigalpa to sign our papers today. If all goes well, we will go back to the island on Tuesday and wait for the next phases- birth certificates, visas, and passports. It will be a big step and maybe we are finally making progress.

People keep asking when we will be back. The trip was projected at 4-6 weeks. We are starting week 3. At this point, I think it would be a miracle to be home in 13 days, but I am open to miracles. But, a fair projection seems closer to 3 more weeks at this point.

I have been able to watch the NBC games, so I am all caught up on the Cowboys, but I don't know how that will work for next week or beyond. Slingbox is cool, but not ideal for breaking down games like I have done for years so that might need to wait until I return.

Otherwise, our trip to the ocean has rejuvenated our spirit. I think we are carrying on pretty well. The progress that has been made as a family in 2 weeks is great. Long ways to go - especially after the honeymoon ends - but we have faith in the process and the purpose.

Anyway, thanks for caring and for reading.

Bob

Today is the morning of Day 10 in Tegucigalpa.

I indicate that because we were estimated roughly 5 days in Tegucigalpa prior to being turned free to Roatan for 14 days of relaxation and fun on the beach. So, being 5 days behind schedule only 10 days into the trip is not necessarily a time for great spirits and optimism. I wish I had more patience for the delays, but the facts seem to be rather clear that we were rushed down here and could have likely waited another week or maybe 2 for everyone to have their ducks in a row.

But, once we are down here, our choices are as follows: deal with it. Our new son is in our custody and therefore we cannot leave the country. We apparently cannot speak up about our unhappiness in delays, lest we anger the bureaucrats that are too busy to fit in 5 minutes of their time to send us on our way. So, Friday became Monday. That became Tuesday. And as of 11 am on Wednesday morning, we wonder when our time will finally come.

We are having good times and all, and each day the family becomes more a family, so don't get me wrong. This is partly about building a family together in a sped up amount of time and all, and our isolation is no doubt aiding in the process. But, being locked in a hotel for 10 straight days (and counting) is a recipe for insanity.

The groundhog day process is now a tired bit for sure. Every day has been almost exactly the same. Wake up at 5:30 (actually we have moved him to about 6:15 now a we try to reprogram his hard-drive.

Then, it is puzzles, books, and toys until breakfast about 8. Breakfast downstairs for everyone lasts about 30 minutes. Then, to the rooftop of the hotel which is actually a nice little terrace. We try to kill about 60-90 minutes there with a football, soccerball, bubbles, hide-n-seek, and we even tried to introduce duck, duck, goose.

Let's see...10 am now? 10 straight days. 10-11:30 is more extended time killing. Trust me, hiding in the bathroom with your iphone to just get away from kids-land for a few minutes is clearly in play here.

11:30 or so we finally head off to a barrage of restaurants and playgrounds. It is no more glamourous than it sounds. Here, the parks and the fast food joints are the same thing. If you want your kids to play at a playground, you may select from Burger King, Wendy's KFC, Pollo Campero, McDonalds, or Pizza Hut. No offense, but I am about to lose my mind on that front.

Now, it is near 2, and I am proud to say I have introduced Dad's great contribution - Tiempo de siesta! Wow. I have really hit on something here. My favorite part of the day is nap time. I may nap or squeeze a little TV on my Ipod with The Wire or Breaking Bad.

Around 4, we have further time killing. Coloring, more puzzles, more books, a little soccer in the room. Whatever gets us to 5:15.

5:15, we whip up a simple dinner in the apartment.

6:00 Wii time for the day. Everyone gets 15 minutes with their game. Brett wants Super Mario, New guy wants Wii Sports Resort so he can do the Sword Showdown (it makes him insane), Maddie wants MarioKart, and I mix in a little FIFA.

7:30 is shower time and get ready for bed.

8:00 is bedtime book with Dad and off to bed.

If we can still move or focus on anything, the wife and I look at our phones and fall asleep by about 9:30 it appears. At which point, we reload for another day.

Every day is the same. I wish I was kidding.

Don't get me wrong, this is a worthy trip and a great purpose. We love our new family and are getting along. But, 10 days in a row of this schedule seems a bit like doing time.

I look forward to the knuckleheads holding us up finally pushing our 5 minute appointment up a bit.

I'm going insane, Chuck.

Saturday, September 03, 2011

Honduras Blog #2 - Why Adopt Internationally?

I have really been waiting to write this blog because for some reason it seems like quite a hang-up with a percentage of the public. I think everyone seems to universally agree that adoption is a good idea for those who feel they are up to it. Kids cannot grow themselves and to help break the cycles that this world put into place, we have to do something for those helpless kids.

But, apparently, the issue that really drives some people nuts is, "which children should we adopt?"

First, allow me a disclaimer:

My story is only my story. I am not a paid spokesman for Latin American adoptions nor am I someone who has the slightest idea what anyone else should do. My wife and I feel that we are on a Blues Brothers-like "Mission from God". So, if you don't believe in God, or don't think God puts people on specific missions, then there is a good chance that you think I am nuts anyway. That is fine. I really hope everyone would consider helping a child or children in someway in life - Big Brothers/Big Sisters, mentoring, being nice to your neighbors, or whatever. And if you feel extra blessed and fortunate to have a wonderful situation in life, then consider paying it forward and allowing a kiddo who has no chance on this planet most likely to join you in your blessed suburban existence.

Now, back to the original question that i have received no fewer than a dozen times since I announced this plan 12 days ago on the air. Why are we not adopting a needy child from Texas? Why would we overlook the needs of people within a few miles to help a child a few thousand miles away?

This is a real email I received last night:

Y'all could not adopt an American child? Or is that not the chic thing to do?

Thousands of kids in this country need a good home & you publicize how cool it is to adopt a kid from somewhere else. SMH.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure your new kid will have a fantastic home, it's just sad there's a kid in this country that loses because of it.

I won't print the dude's name because that wouldn't be pleasant, but I was taken a bit off guard by this guy to have the huevos to ask me that. To infer that there is some level of publicity seeking from this is an easy way to draw me offside. However, I will concede that I likely goofed on Angelina Jolie or Madonna for a similar international adoption when I was a bit less informed.

Upon receiving his email, I wanted to fire off a terse response, but also decided against that. Instead, I shared the event with my twitter followers:

@Sportssturm: Just got a "hey,you should adopt American" email. Response: the God I believe in doesn't recognize borders, mister. #BonoInspiredResponses.

I really believe that. I think the idea of borders is something that God allows us to do as we draw up our maps and fight our wars, but I also believe in his eyes that humans are humans. Money, ethnicity, social background, education, or whatever else you want to throw in doesn't change his perception of us.

Therefore, in my opinion (which could be wrong, but it is mine), God isn't worried about us "buying American". He has precious souls all over the world that need our help. Multiple sources indicate that there are over 140 million orphans in the world today. Let's say that number is inflated. Let's say there are only 140,000 orphans in the world. Can you imagine the life of an orphan? The lack of options and a future? I don't mean to get to heavy here, but 140 million and someone is worried about which one is brought hope and change?

I am not in Honduras buying a car. I don't think the economy depends on my keeping American jobs alive by spending inside our man-made borders.

But, why Honduras? Well, I really don't know. Our first idea was Mexico. Then Guatemala. And finally, Honduras. The road here was crazy and unpredictable, but we arrived in 2009 at the idea that we were supposed to help a child here. It was faith. It was a feeling. I can't really explain it fully. It just seemed like the thing we were asked to do. And once we (my wife and I) felt that way, we just walked to the light.

But, since it wasn't 1 dude, but over a dozen, I do want to challenge those who feel that way to watch 2 documentaries for me and ask if the need domestically is similar. One can be seen here and it is called Recycled Life. It is the story of the children who literally live in a junkyard in Guatemala City. The other is called Which Way Home and can be seen on Netflix and is the story of children who hop trains to try to get to the USA through Mexico.

Both show you the poverty and hopelessness of many in Central America. Is it more sad than Africa or Russia or China or anywhere else in the world? Who knows? Who cares? It is bad. It is impossible for a child to figure things out without parents. Heck, it is tough enough with parents, but at least you generally get a good meal once in a while.

If you watch that junkyard video (less than 40 minutes) and can then tell me with a straight face that the problems in Dallas are similar or more pressing, then I will happily apologize to you and anyone else who wishes for an apology for not "supporting my country" in this venture. But, I fully expect that you will admit you had no idea how bad it is here for children.

Look, I am not trying to compare shades of bad. Bad is bad. And many children inside our borders need help, too. But, one guy said we should take care of our own. My response would then be, "so, should we let these countries take care of their own?" Because I have news for you. They cannot run elections, let alone solve their orphan problems. They have kids living in junkyards, so I don't think they have it handled. We might want to step in.

God doesn't cheer for a certain country in the Olympics. He asked us to take care of orphans and widows (James 1:27) and I don't believe he had specific geographic guidelines. Yes, I am sure that God wants the children in Iraq and Afghanistan helped, too.

This is not a foreign policy where we should stay out of other country's business. These are innocent children. They need help. All over the world. 140 million. 140,000,000.

I don't think it is time to get picky about which ones are being helped.

PS - I will get back to football soon.

September 1-

Day 4 in Tegucigalpa-

We are settling in to our routine now of time killing as we put in our time before we can return to the states. On Tuesday, we took custody of our new son and had a great time bringing him into our family.

Of course, showing my present kids that there is more to life than suburban DFW is plenty, but then to introduce them to the new permanent member of the family (who doesn't speak our language, nor us, his) is not met with complete excitement. Don't get me wrong - they are great kids and very excited to have him. But, there is some natural level of concern amongst the troops that their spot in the pecking order is now in doubt, but that will be smoothed out gradually.

Our boy, is in our custody, but not officially adopted until today or tomorrow. The court system down here is part hilarious and part sad in some respects and if you have a concern it is best to not have time expectations. We are down here until they are good and ready to get to us and not a second sooner. Not only that, but routine things like military shutdowns for strikes or riots and the routine fumigation of government buildings (no idea for what) makes a day take a week on a regular basis.

In the meantime, we have discovered that Teguc has a great children's museum. No lie. And dinosaurs scare both of my sons when the animatronics are so convincing.

We have discovered that fast food is fine dining and that there is no pattern to what ESPN Deportes will run out there. But, since my new son insists on all lights being off when he goes to bed in the entire apartment, I am not watching much tv anyway. He is about 30 pounds, but each pound is packed with resolve and opinion. Perhaps perfect for me.

On Tuesday we were kicked out of Burger King because the policia-swat team needed the building because of doom headed this way. I have no idea what that meant, but I was inclined to simply agree and move on.

My spanish is getting better and better, but I can't understand much from my boy. Between his speed and his child-like delivery, I am assured by our translator who is with us a few hours a day that even life-long spanish speakers cannot really understand him that well.

I miss sports. I won't lie. But, we are carrying on just fine. This is our adventure and I am happy to be making slow and steady progress with building our family through this.

I think today we are going to see the movie Smurfs in Spanish (Los Pitufos).

Try not to be too jealous.

Miss you much.